I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
