In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
