Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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