I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
