she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
