I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
