dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
