I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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