im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
