Me. At least after what I've been through.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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