I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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