birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
