I looked at my own cervix.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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