new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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