I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Vodka?
Forever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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