I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
