Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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