Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
