I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
