my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
