time to smoke my breakfast
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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