Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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