Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
