I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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