Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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