another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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