That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
