you have to choose: penises or morals?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
