some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
