You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize