I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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