Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
