I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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