I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
