i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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