I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
