Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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