I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
