I can text with my tongue
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
