There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
