Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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