your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
