the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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