Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize