never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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