she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
