Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
