Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
