I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
