The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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