so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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