Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
