I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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