sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
