Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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