hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
