i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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