There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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