Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
