Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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