My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Someone shit on the floor
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
