mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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