We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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