and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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