I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
