I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
