Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
