how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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