PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
