six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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