FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
