I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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