WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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