Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
