her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
