I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
