sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Enjoy the penises
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
