It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
