TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
