One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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